Coping with ADHD meltdowns

Expert / 18 June, 2025 / My Baba

Parenting my child with ADHD feels like navigating a minefield. Meltdowns and outbursts explode without warning. There are impulsive reactions, shouting matches, emotional shutdowns, and we’re often both left exhausted, defeated and disconnected.

For so long, I had believed that ADHD meltdowns should be followed by consequences, reprimands, or punishment. However, through a 12-week Non-Violent Resistance (NVR) parenting course offered to me by CAMHS, my approach to meltdowns has undergone a significant change.

Instead of coming down hard during or after an ADHD meltdown, the course encourages parents to focus on rebuilding relationships, to ‘connect before you direct’.

Here are the seven most powerful lessons I’ve taken from the NVR course. They’ve helped de-escalate difficult situations, and more usefully, to listen differently. To really focus my energy and attention on what’s behind the behaviour… to hear what my child might really be trying to say when they are having a meltdown.

7 Ways to Cope with ADHD Meltdowns

Pick Your Battles

Giving in isn’t the same as giving up.

There are times when I choose to say yes to the sweets. Or I allow ten more minutes of screen time. Or I let the shoes go back on the wrong feet… again.

But what matters most is that I try to make those decisions consciously, not out of desperation, not just to stop an ADHD meltdown.

When I decide to let something go, it’s not because I’ve lost control. It’s because I’ve weighed it up and chosen not to let this be a battle. Maybe it’s not worth the emotional cost to our connection. Or maybe I’ve recognised that, for my child, it really does matter. Perhaps it’s a sensory issue, a source of comfort or distraction they genuinely need in that moment.

The “Zip-It” Strategy

In the heat of the moment, I used to leap in. I’d explain, correct, set limits, thinking I had to fix it now. But I’ve learned that those moments aren’t for teaching. They’re for staying close.

Now, I remind myself: zip it. I stay quiet and stay near. Sometimes I say nothing at all. Just my presence is enough.

And when I feel my own frustration rising, I give myself permission to step away, calmly. Because I want to model self-regulation, not mirror dysregulation.

Strike While the Iron Is Cold

One of the first shifts I made was waiting. Trying to talk things through when emotions are high rarely leads anywhere helpful.

Now, I give us both time, time to breathe, to reset, to find our calm. Only once we’re grounded again do I gently return to what happened.

I might say:

“I’ve been thinking about earlier. That was hard for both of us. Would you like to talk about it now?”

Reconnecting Through Ritual

We’ve built small rituals that help us find our way back to each other:

Making hot chocolate
Watching a silly Netflix episode
Playing a quick game of “Would You Rather?”
They’re not about talking it out, they’re about re-establishing closeness.

Notes of Reassurance

After a really rough moment, if things are still raw, I’ll leave a note. On the pillow. In a pocket. A quick text.

“I love you.”
“That was hard today, but I’m still here.”

These tiny gestures remind my child they are unconditionally loved, even when things have been messy… especially when it’s messy.

Aim for Repair, Not Perfection

I still get it wrong. I still snap. I still say things I wish I hadn’t. But I’ve learned that what matters most isn’t perfection, it’s repair.

When I apologise, I’m teaching my child that we all make mistakes. And that love means coming back, again and again.

Highlight Progress, Not Just Problems

After an intense moment, I try to point out even the smallest wins:

“You calmed yourself quicker than last time.”
“You used words instead of shouting. That was huge.”

Children with ADHD often hear about what they did wrong. I want to be a mirror that reflects back their growth, too.

Be Present, Quietly

Sometimes, the most healing thing is simply being there. No fixing. No talking. Just a calm, steady presence beside them.

Their nervous system learns from mine.

The NVR course has taught me that connection doesn’t mean caving in and that boundaries don’t need to come with shouting.

I’m learning to be steady instead of reactive. Warm, without losing my authority. Loving… even when the storm hits.

And the more I really listen and try to really understand what the meltdown is communicating and how we can collaboratively come up with solutions to problems, the less meltdowns there are.

Article by Emily Snape

Emily is a passionate author, educator and mum. Her journey in understanding ADHD started when her son began the process of receiving his ADHD diagnosis. She now regularly works with young people, celebrating and supporting their amazing, creative neurodivergent minds. Her newest book, My Amazing ADHD Brain Journal is published by Vie Books in July, £8.99

You can find out about her latest publishing news on Instagram at @emily_snape_illustrator.

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